é como se aquele caderno
e aquelas anotações
não fossem minhas
eu reconhecia a letra, sua forma arredondada
ou alongada, quando com pressa
(não pela necessidade de fazer outra coisa
mas para registrar tudo aquilo
que logo poderia ser esquecido)
e não se entregar às distrações)
mas as palavras me eram estranhas
o jeito de escrever me era estranho
ao seguir com os olhos pelas linhas preenchidas
– era outra pessoa quem as narrava?
eu me via imersa em um momento suspenso, confuso
olhava ao meu redor
buscando estabelecer vínculos com o real
mas alguma força
arrastava-me para o centro de um redemoinho
que embaralhava palavras
pensamentos
e memórias

then, a burst of consciousness hit me:
was I grafting his identity?
that thought startled me,
for I realised that I was in the middle of it:

if that was really happening,
it was already happening
– unintentionally,
inadvertently

what would that make of me?

with respect to him,
I certainly felt a bit like a thief
but as far as I was concerned:
was I a numb soul until that moment?

that was the second thought
in a very short time interval
that frightened me

when the alarm clock went off, i woke up right away, startled. i opened my eyes as wide as i could, but it did not matter: for a few seconds, i had no idea where i was (or why i was there). i knew i would eventually realise it, but in that little while, i was floating in the vacuum – this is how it felt. the difference from past experiences is that it lasted longer, and i wasn’t scared. i set out to stay calm, to try to recall things rationally. then, the word – the only word – that came to my mind was ‘universe.’ whether it felt like i was part of it or i was it myself, i could not say; my memory came back all at once. it was a brief amnesia, and it felt good.

i was crazy — but i did not know it — now i do
what i wrote — was written in a different language
one — one cannot understand
but those words — they were my best attempt
my best attempt — to make sense of this
to make me be
(understood)

are these moments feelings?

o potencial do meu ser / estava naquelas imagens
perdidas / desaparecidas / desaparecidas do universo
real / e do das possibilidades / e promessas
promessas de que tudo ficaria bem
aquilo tudo era meu / eu
e agora ninguém veria / ninguém jamais teria contato
com o que ainda era
para o mundo / desconhecido
partes de mim